WHAT a gwaan, people? A big, big up to all, especially my Portmore people. A me tell oonu "Portmore fi sure", now mi see LIME capture the
slogan and don't even acknowledge my input, but that's ok. My fault for
not seeking to copyright it (although truth be told Frisco Kid said it
in a song years ago without having heard me mutter it), but a so me love
stake ownership to people things.

Speaking of people, Would you believe that some people are still ashamed to say they reside in Portmore? I'll just keep pushing the message
because everybody can't live in Kingston. Besides Portmore now has
'uptown'. Oh yes. Places like Caribbean Estate and Portmore Country Club
can rival any gated community in the Golden Triangle of St Andrew. Our
game has been stepped up, not too shabby for a city in its forties. The
recent rains from Nicole did us bad though; the roads are in a
deplorable condition. Portmore now has new natural attractions similar
to the Grand Canyon, but we're not the worst, because many roads in town
look chakka-chakka too.

Mayor Hinds needs to market us as a premier tourist destination. The campaign would read as follows: come experience the majesty of our toll booth and then you can cruise through the Red Light
district of the Back Road on your way to the Twin Sister Caves or for
fried fish and festival in Hellshire. You will experience the adventure
of navigating the deep and cavernous potholes that line our roadways.
That would 'sell off' and make a profit for us for sure. We used to get
cussing about the mosquitoes, but we've had them for so long that we've
built up immunity, they no longer trouble us. You never noticed that
Portmore didn't even have one Dengue case? We body get so much bite, the
mosquitoes can't find anywhere else on our body to puncture.

I started to fret when I heard that crocodiles were attacking people and livestock in St Elizabeth, because rumour has it that quite a few live
in our canals. My neighbour did bawl out sometime ago that he had helped
to capture one that had emerged from a canal in Greater Portmore. And
he vowed that he was going to get the other one. What led him to believe
that only two existed is still a mysteåry to me, because I never know
that crocodiles took census. It doesn't hurt to be cautious, so when me a
go in a night time, me walk fast and talk loud and anything rustle a my
foot 'dead like nit'. All the lizards that used to live in my house get
notice. After all, they are from the same family, next thing you know
the crocs may come over to visit, nope, everybody have to go, even those
that were residing there before me. Anybody reading from GP -- Greater
Portmore, knows what I'm talking about.

Seriously though, when Mr Matalon did a design these houses, a must GP him did a think bout. What a way the house them little and hot? Missis,
me turn nudist since I've become a resident, because you can't in you
own house and hot so. That's why I never had a problem putting out the
lizards. The first time one come in and back gun pon mi, cause a some
gangster lizard I shared the place with (the kind that stares back
blankly when you shoo them) I ran out into the yard screaming, wearing
nothing but my crush-up birthday suit. Two neighbour boys came to my
rescue and got rid of my formidable opponent. Ever since that encounter
of the naked kind, every evening I come home, there is a gathering of
young males at the gate asking "Miss Melva any more lizard in there?" I
usually smile sheepishly and say no. Portmore will always be my home,
may she continue to grow. Take care now peeps and remember to follow me
on Twitter @ElvaJamaica or email me your comments or suggestions elvachatalot@yahoo.com